Poems – Closet Poet

Drinking hole alternatives in this shit hole society

The Closet Poet — Thu, 29 Jan 2026 23:19:21 +0000

Round the corner from Gazza Strip
where the ring tones wring out placid silence
and the chrome-domed fittings are coated in violence,
there is a place where pipes preside.
Not the type you manufacture,
like a blue Blue Peter construction,
from tubes and breakfast wreckage, NO.
They puff like steamers, require pipe cleaners,
and are handled by noble folk, some possess beards,
I don’t deny that, but the ambience is of Railway children,
runaway profits, and rank outsiders.
It’s a traditional place, boasts a smell not unlike a failing zoo:
Lizards are loved, but unkempt,
the elephants shit all over the place, without regret,
and hippos wallow in broken-locked-loos.
You can hear yourself dream, and the jukebox is old:
Old with Stones and crawling with Beatles.
Tonight there is a quiz – in the pub – a pub quiz.
I do not enter, as I’m thick as a hangman’s rope,
And I’d prefer to die (intellectually) at the hand of a poet, or a lovelorn moose.

Listen

https://closetpoet.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2026/01/Drinking-hole-alternatives-in-this-shit-.mp3

JCC and I

The Closet Poet — Fri, 05 Mar 2021 17:51:42 +0000

Dr John Cooper Clarke and my good self, taken at Latitude festival. I’m a massive fan, so this was a delight for me. He even signed my tote bag “Middle Class festival, working class wages.” A total gent and his appearance was hilarious as always, as for the festival, full of tiresome middleclass families being tiresomely middleclass. Surely the aim of a festival or part of the aim is to escape all that nonsense? I’d recommend EOTR festival instead, it strikes a suitable balance.

Also just finished JCC’s Autobiog – I Wanna Be Yours, highly recommended for fans and non-fans alike.

When the Pjetër Pevy breaks (A Villanelle)

The Closet Poet — Tue, 02 Mar 2021 23:57:36 +0000

He’s got a flat in Victoria Dock!
He’s as sincere as a bream
Pjetër Pevy – what a cock.

His face as rigid as writer’s block
His demeanour like the scream
He’s got a flat in Victoria Dock!

He’s punctually local, on at 6 o’clock
Pre-set smile, jokes like clotted cream
Pjetër Pevy – what a cock.

Whatever happened to the rocks?
The Brian Baines of Look North schemes
Has he a flat in Victoria Dock?

Why is local news such a crock?
Why does nothing happen, it seems
Pjetër Pevy – what a cock.

He hails from a South West lock
Appears too often in my dreams
He’s got a flat in Victoria Dock!
Pjetër Pevy – what a cock.